Ode to a Normal Boy's Life

Males are being asked to adjust to a new worldview. Working wives and mothers expect them to help with cooking and childcare, not just take out the garbage. Athletes still have to hide their sexual preferences in locker rooms and frat houses. And, as Marvel comic hero, Luke Cage, observed, young black men have guns and no fathers.

     After Keanon Lowe, the football and track coach at Portland's Parkrose High School, wrestled a legally-purchased shotgun out of a male student's hand and hugged him, TIME magazine (Dec. 23-30, 2019) recognized Mr. Lowe as one of 2019's heroes. Lowe told the 19-year-old who he hugged that he cared about him. "You do?" he responded.  Prosecutors learned the shotgun had only one round. It had failed to fire, when the young man attempted to commit suicide outside a bathroom. Mental health treatment was part of his three-year sentence to probation.

     A boy's surprise that someone cared for him and the term, "toxic masculinity," suggest a need to nurture males differently. Between the ages of four and six, research finds boys begin to match their behavior to the expectations of others who tell them not to cry, show fear, or make mistakes. When they develop a strong bond with someone, that relationship has a major influence on how they see themselves. Boys are close observers of the way teachers relate to them, for example. Instead of positive encouragement, if boys have trouble with a subject, negative reactions undercut their confidence. To avoid the vulnerability of looking stupid and to maintain the sense of male superiority someone close to him expects, boys probably act out and get suspended.

     Maybe female students are more willing to try to resolve conflicts with women teachers, but it seems boys are naturally inclined not to try. Faced with a problem involving a teacher, parent, police officer, or other authority figure, boys have a natural tendency to quit and run away. Adults need to listen to boys, understand their problems, and brain storm ways to cope. My mother loved teenagers. When she taught remedial math to high school students in Chicago, she used to come home and tell us how she had found out about the strange, incorrect ways her students had decided to add a column of numbers. She also allowed no laughing at others in her classes.

     Boys looking for good relationships and listeners are susceptible to the approaches of predatory priests, coaches, boy scout leaders, and girl friends. When these relationships betray them, even making them victims of sexual abuse, the results are as devastating to boys who opened themselves to those they trusted as is the effect of a total lack of relationships on other boys . Such boys conclude no one cares about them. They might as well use a gun to show they don't care about anyone, including themselves.

     Equally troubling is the tendency the educational system has of assuming poverty, broken homes, and other traumas justify grouping all boys with such backgrounds in remedial classes rather than making an effort to separate out those who are gifted, nurtured in stable homes, or blessed with the genes and spiritual fortitude to overcome a less than perfect upbringing.

     What it comes down to is: boys want a relationship with someone who wants them to be themselves.

   

     

Terrorism Alerts

New York City's Police Commissioner, James O'Neill, didn't just tell us, if we see something, say something, he told us what to look for. He said to put down our cell phones and look for something out of place. An automotive vehicle driving down a bike path certainly was something out of place in New York City on October 31, 2017. Years ago, an NYC vendor said something and successfully alerted the police to prevent a disaster, when he saw wires and smoke coming out of a van in Times Square.

     Looking back on other tragic events, we remember later seeing unattended backpacks at the 1996 Olympic Games in Atlanta, GA, and at the Boston Marathon in 2013. Also there was the unusual young white man attending a Bible service in an African-American church and the high school boys who wore long black coats. In department stores, security looks for potential shoplifters carrying large shopping bags and wearing big winter coats, especially in summer. When a security guard at the Watergate complex saw a piece of tape over a lock, he found the burglars who led to President Nixon's resignation. Then, there are unusual purchases of too much fertilizer and too many boxes of ammunition. And there is unusual behavior: a "Do Not Disturb" sign on a hotel door for three days, an unusual amount of activity on a web site, or pilots in training who don't seem to care about learning how to land a plane.

     When Nobel Prize winning physicist, Richard Feynman, was asked to investigate the cause of the Challenger space shuttle's explosion, he saw a photo of a small smoke puff coming out of one side of the craft. His advice that anything not supposed to happen according to a project's design should signal trouble is applicable in other circumstances, as well. A police officer shooting anyone holding up his or her hands should not happen. Neither should the sound of a gun being fired in a convenience store be heard. Current police practice requires going to anywhere a gun shot is heard, because any sound of a gun shot in a neighborhood is out of place, as is a woman's scream and screeching tires.

     Finally, keep the telephone number of your local police department handy. When you see or hear something, the next step is to say something to prevent more violence.

Colombia Concludes Peace Deal with FARC

Colombia and FARC revolutionaries signed a peace accord to end 50 years of fighting on September 26, 2016, but, despite Colombia's President Santos winning the Nobel Prize for Peace shortly after a referendum, voters in Colombia decided on October 2 to reject the terms of the accord by a slim margin.  These terms stipulated:

• The Colombian government would grant FARC guerrillas amnesty from their crimes. A major sticking point. Guerrillas would also be guaranteed a minimum wage and seed money to build new communities. They would help the government destroy landmines and the coca crops that once funded their operations.
• FARC would take part in a truth commission similar to the one South Africa formed after apartheid.
• FARC would surrender its guns.
• FARC would become a political party.

Negotiators spent four years forging this plan and, after the referendum, they went back to Havana to try again. A new deal was reached, and, on November 30, 2016, by bypassing voters, President Santos won approval for the revised peace accord from the Colombian Congress. Rebels will not face prison for the war crimes they confess. They will disarm under UN supervision and disperse. Former FARC rebels will be allowed to run for Congressional seats, but not to represent new districts created in former areas of conflict.

What To Do When Under Attack

Although not every victim can survive an attack by a gang member, terrorist, or lone shooter out to right a perceived injustice, techniques developed by law enforcement agencies do save lives.

     The first thing to do if you hear gunfire, an explosion, or a scream is to recognize the danger and quickly calm yourself with repeated deep breaths in and out through your nose and mouth. It is the time to take decisive action, not to panic, freeze, or underestimate the threat. Firecrackers are not set off in office buildings.

     Since the best possible action is to get out, be aware of exits wherever you are.

     If getting out is not an option, deny access to the shooter: lock doors, pull down shades, erect barricades, remain quiet.

     When defending yourself is the only option, become an angry, violent warrior. Go for the attacker's eyes with a pen, key, or anything that will injure. Kick the attacker's legs, and use your fist, not to punch, but as a hammer to pummel.

     Statistics in many urban areas show 98% of shooters act alone and 96% are male.