Grandmotherly Love

In a country of 16.5 million, Zimbabwe psychiatrist Dr. Dixon Chibanda suspected grandmothers could supplement the limited attention the country's twelve trained psychiatrists provided those with depression and mental problems.

     What gave Dr. Chibanda the idea for his Friendship Bench organization was the way grandmothers took time to listen and guide, rather than tell people what to do. According to an article in TIME magazine (February 18 - 25, 2019), the medical journal, JAMA, in 2016 reported the positive benefits of the Friendship Bench approach to training grandmothers to provide role-playing and other behavior therapies.

     For everyone who has tried to teach a grandparent to send an email or use a smartphone, the wisdom of elders seems outdated. In the area of interpersonal relations, however, who is a better adviser than someone married for 40 or 50 years? For some suffering mental anguish, "forgive and forget" might be the best message. But "forgive and remember tomorrow is another day" is often more appropriate.

      Grandmothers offer immediate appointments, when the decision to live or not live is about to be made in the heat of the moment. They also serve cookies and tea or wine and cheese.

      From their years of experience, grandmothers can dredge up examples of how they or their best friends have survived similar thoughts of suicide, being gay, having an abortion, killing screaming kids, gaining weight, growing older, or a spouse cheating on or ignoring them. They also know the child who says "I hate you" or "F... you" will need a hug or to borrow the car minutes later.

     Grandmothers have suffered financial and overbooked woes that have eased or prompted a necessary review of priorities. They know someone who you never expected will step up when you need help, that prayer works, and that there's a way to handle almost anything, because, like the commercial says, they've seen a thing or two.

     They know how to love. And they love you.

     Grandfathers are great, too, but that's another story.

Overcome Lunch Table Loneliness

The Mean Girls movie provides just one example of the rigid social structure that decides which students enjoy companionship at lunch time and which don't. Since loneliness sometimes causes students to take out their resentment with violent measures or to turn inward with mental health problems, suggestions for improving social interactions at school lunch times merit attention.

     I recall a TV segment that featured a student who took it upon himself to seek out those he saw eating by themselves during high school lunch periods. He sat with them, got to know them, and invited them to interact with him at any time in the halls and classrooms, not just at lunch. Soon, he had inspired other students to join him in being on the lookout for lunch time loners.

     One of the best aspects of globalization is the opportunity it provides to spot innovations in one country that could be adopted in others. According to trendwatching.com, the Costa Coffee cafe chain in the UK places signs on tables to indicate reserved seating for customers who want to chat. Could schools do the same, and, maybe, often change signs to suggest conversation topics of the day that also could inspire discussions at other tables? Making table signs (with cartoons on them?) might be a great service project for a school club.

     When I was in graduate school, a professor urged MBA students to avoid sitting by themselves or with the same people at lunch every day after they entered the business world. He especially urged marketing students to use lunches to get to know employees in finance, accounting, and other departments who will need to support new products that have no track record.

     Also, it's always a good idea to get out of the building at lunch time, take a walk, and see what's happening in the neighborhood. Getting out is a reminder that there is more to life than school or a career.